Tom Cruise Revealed

Why does this article appear to be more plausible than any other explanation…?

For the record, everything below was written by someone else. Apologies in advance, I know not what their name be…

Independent Sources

Bureaucrats?Independent Sources Confirms Existence of Tom Cruise/Rob Thomas Rumor Independent Sources announced today that it has uncovered a new, previously undiscovered Tom Cruise rumor:

Tom Cruise and Matchbox Twenty’s Rob Thomas are lovers!

Independent Sources has hesitated writing about Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes for many reasons. First, there are other things going on in the world that, believe it or not, rank higher on the importance scale. Second, pretty much everything that can be said is being said.

However, someone (I’ll call her Mistress of the Hollywood Rumor) just walked into Insider’s office with the following dish that I feel compelled to pass on. I did a quick check of Technorati and it wasn’t there. So even if it is not true, it is at least original.

No doubt that anyone with an Internet connection has read about Tom Cruise being gay. According to rumor lore, he has had a long-time boyfriend in Chicago who is an Asian pilot for American Airlines. This is an accusation that Cruise and more importantly Cruise’s many attorneys vehemently deny.

There have been many stories that supposedly corroborate his sexuality but never a smoking gun. Rumor mongers attribute this to the fact that Cruise goes to great lengths to cover his tracks. We are told that everyone around him signs extensive confidentiality contracts with enormous penalties for indiscretion. (Exhibit A: the 8-page confidentiality contract Cruise’s housekeeper was forced to sign).

Such stories have been around for years and Cruise has evidently attempted to counter them with a series of high-profile heteronormative relationships. First, Nicole Kidman, then Penelope Cruz, and most recently Katie Holmes. In each instance, the “relationship” is actually a contract that gives the women a boost to their careers, a lot of money, and an elegant lifestyle.

Here is where this particular rumor gets interesting. Not long ago, Marisol, the wife of Matchbox Twenty’s Rob Thomas (who has had to contend with his own rumors of bi-sexuality) found her husband in bed with Tom Cruise causing Cruise’s people to shift into high gear.

First, Mrs. Rob Thomas was bought off for an undetermined sum. Second, Cruise and his handlers set out to immediately find Cruise a girlfriend. Second-tier actresses were targeted. A list was drawn up with Jessica Alba (..1 pick) and three other girls who fell out for various reasons. Originally targeted (..3 I think) but later rejected as “undesirable” was rumor queen Lindsay Lohan. Way down at ..5 on the list was Katie Holmes, but that was the one with whom they were able to strike a deal.

Once the contact was signed, photo ops were set up, leaks were made to the right places, and we’ve had celebrity relationship on steroids ever since.

One thing I will credit this rumor for is how it nicely explains Tom’s behavior this past few months-including the couch jumping episode on Oprah. Cruise simply didn’t have time for the Holmes rumors to circulate at its normal speed and he couldn’t allow it to be second page news while the tabloids focused on Brad, Jennifer and Angelina. No, this relationship had to immediately become the “it” topic.

Well, that’s how we hear it.

[A reminder to those of you reading this who have trouble differentiating truth from unsubstantiated rumor: at this point this is
all conjecture. All we are doing is confirming the existence of a rumor that the Mistress tells us is all over Hollywood.] We should also add that this story is a bit of a departure for us. If you are interested in keeping up to date on it and other celebrity gossip, we suggest Defamer.

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~ by seangstm on June 28, 2005.

8 Responses to “Tom Cruise Revealed”

  1. Tom C. is gay, people. I mean come on! His movies are just hype. He acts the same in every single movie, have you all not notice that????

    I feel bad or not for the women in his life. Or not. If money is involved for these women, wasted lives, truly, wasted lives!

    Nicole mentioned to Ophrah that she still like to have a baby.

    Katie Holmes is having one instead of Nicole.

    People, do not get delusional. The baby that Katie is carrying is not Tom C’s. Or Nicole would have had him or her.

    I love Nicole for adopting, she has beautiful kids with her ex.

    Tom is a fake. Sad to say. I see the love in Katie’s eyes, when she closes them when Tom kisses her but Tom’s eyes are wide open. EWE!

    He should be ashame of himself. I mean come on! It is the fricking 2006! People have changed for the better and are more excepting.

    But if they are not excepting , screw them.

    I just hate to see people’s minds being fooled and taken advantage of.

    And I do not think Katie is all that perfect either.

    She claims to be a virgin. Yeah, right. Posing nude and showing her tits on the screen and getting pregnant before getting married. WHat else?

    Marrying a scientologist????? Oh how funny!

    Get’s better everytime in the Delusional World of Hollywood!

  2. Laurie Walsh said…
    Tom C. is gay, people. I mean come on! His movies are just hype. He acts the same in every single movie, have you all not notice that????

    I feel bad or not for the women in his life. Or not. If money is involved for these women, wasted lives, truly, wasted lives!

    Nicole mentioned to Ophrah that she still like to have a baby.

    Katie Holmes is having one instead of Nicole.

    People, do not get delusional. The baby that Katie is carrying is not Tom C’s. Or Nicole would have had him or her.

    I love Nicole for adopting, she has beautiful kids with her ex.

    Tom is a fake. Sad to say. I see the love in Katie’s eyes, when she closes them when Tom kisses her but Tom’s eyes are wide open. EWE!

    He should be ashame of himself. I mean come on! It is the fricking 2006! People have changed for the better and are more excepting.

    But if they are not excepting , screw them.

    I just hate to see people’s minds being fooled and taken advantage of.

    And I do not think Katie is all that perfect either.

    She claims to be a virgin. Yeah, right. Posing nude and showing her tits on the screen and getting pregnant before getting married. WHat else?

    Marrying a scientologist????? Oh how funny!

    Get’s better everytime in the Delusional World of Hollywood!

    1:30 AM

  3. I agree tom is kind of over compensating to hide his secret life.
    How could he and his handlers ever think they could pull it off? Havent heard much from the story lately. Is he in hiding.

  4. Cruise’s first wife, Mimi Rogers, is on record as claiming that he refused to have sex with her. CASE CLOSED.

    Rogers is a 38D by the way.

  5. yeah, i believe that tom c. is gay. even brooke shields indirectly mentioned it on her show that was loosely based on her life that she created with her husband. she mentioned that a very popular action actor is gay. who else could that be? no wonder he cant stand her and is nasty to her. it all fits together.

  6. The guy could be gay. Hell, it’ll explain a lot.
    I mean, come on, what does Katie Holmes have that Nicole Kidman doesn’t that makes Tom wants to “make” a baby with her?

    The kid isn’t his. It’s a whole publicity stunt to hide his sexuality.
    If he really wanted kids, he could’ve had them with Nicole.

  7. All is well in the world; people obviously need to relax about this man and let him do what he wants. Honestly, it just does not matter; spin is spin and it has a life. It makes for great entertainment, really – far better entertainment than the movies and really, someday the ‘made for TV movie’ is going to be a blast. It has ‘Dynasty’ written all over it.

  8. Yah now, I agree I don’t care about Tom’s personal life, BUT why on earth do these rumors keep surfacing. Brad Pitt, Antonoi Banderas, Rob Lowe, Hugh Jackman, Robert Townsend. Then these gentlemen first hit the scene, every gay man was wishing they were, but nothing happened and eventually the stories die, and these genetlemen get married, have kids and appreciate their gay fan base and joke about how they wish they were gay… But yet, Tom cruise. Tom can’t seem to shake the rumors so you have to ask yourself why?

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