Orko Starfux & The Amazing Airline Stock Race

Hi all! I know, I know…I can be a slacker at life and consequently, at blogging. But really…if I have NOTHING to say, do you want to hear it?

If I stand in a stadium and say nothing, does anybody hear? Bruce Cockburn missed a golden song-writing opportunity.

The boyfriend was down from Sunday until Tuesday morning. It was a particularly glorious and memorable visit for reasons which will be kept between myself, him and a rather large tub of margarine. The cogs begin to turn…slowly…

We played with Orko (as is becoming habit) ad nauseum. Glancing up at the title of this blog now, I think I’m going to officially change (or add to) Orko’s name. He shall henceforth be known as Orko Starfux. I’m also going to write a show for him because you can’t let a good name like that go to waste, now can we?

The Adventures of ORKO STARFUX and the Moon Patrol

…see, it works.

Speaking of Orko and his NEVER-FUCKING-ENDING WOES…I took him to an emergency (well, not really an emergency) visit to the THS vet on Saturday. He has been going through sneezing fits with a runny nose and runny eyes since he came home from The Humane Society*.

One morning I woke up and Orko’s right nostril had completely crusted over with an alarming amount of nasal discharge (see: cat snot). I ran to the bathroom and wet a cloth and ran back to clean it off, since I know how much I HATE when my nostrils close up from excessive snot discharge. I cleaned him off and he looked at me like, “Asshole…I was FINE.” Whatever.

Another morning I woke up and he was having trouble breathing so I immediately called the vet and they told me to bring him in on the weekend. So I did…after purchasing him a stylish new cat carrier (that I will probably never have reason to use again).

The vet informed me that Orko had ear mites (which I had figured out for myself) and an upper respiratory infection. He treated him for the ear mites, which Orko hated, and then handed me a bag full of meds to administer to Orko daily. It contained:

– some kind of white powder to go into Orko’s food
– a clear eye drop to be administered twice a day
– a cloudy eye drop once a day
– liquid antibiotics that I would have to administer orally (FUN!)

The eye drops and the powder are fine. The oral medication, however, causes such wailing screeches from the kitten that it makes me really uncomfortable. I have to wrap the bugger in a towel and hold him with one hand and give him this medicine with the other, while Orko screams like I’m ripping off his legs…it’s not pleasant, although he is getting better.

Today, which was the 5th day of taking the medicine, he barely made a noise and was quite happy to sit there. Since I’ve started squirting it in his cheek, he seems better. The nasal drip is gone, too (for the most part) and his eyes have stopped running. I haven’t heard him sneeze in quite a while, either. Crossed fingers.

I do think, however, that the ear mites are back after looking at him scratch his ears this morning. Who knows. I have to bring him back to the vet in 10 days anyway, so he can give him the treatment again. JOY!

Enough of that…anyone watch the Amazing Race last night? HOLY CRAP! I’m loving this new season, although the clearly budget-concious itenerary is getting depressing.

“We’re going to…VIRGINIA!!!”

Read a humourous recap on TVgasm.com – the Italian family from New York is HILARIOUS, I have to say.

Also, my friend Glen came over last night for our weekly dose of Coronation Street, Match Game, Amazing Race and cheap white wine with nibbles. Or nipples, as Gene Rayburn would say. I’m seriously considering giving some serious thought to thinking seriously about having a Match Game party and using the Match Game Drinking Game. It would be a load of laughs and drunken debauchery. SWEET.

We managed to watch a bit of Airline – another great show, and this woman was at the counter talking about how her daughter would drop out of college if she didn’t get on the flight. It was a new one to me. Here’s what really happened…the woman showed up late. Of course, this is the airline’s fault in her mind.

To play on the ‘sympathy’ of the attendant, she came up with this line of logic:

1) She had a meeting in El Paso that she HAD to be at. If she wasn’t, her boss would fire her. (Interesting…I’ve actually NEVER heard of a case of a boss firing their employee because they missed a flight. Even if it WAS true, this is the woman’s FAULT, anyway…not the airline’s).
2) If she was fired, her daughter would drop out of college.
3) If she was fired and her daughter dropped out of college, she would lose her house.

Who knew it was so cut throat out in El Paso, huh?

The airline offered her a flight to Houston but couldn’t guarantee a time of departure to El Paso. They offered a list of car rentals and hotels for her to either stay, or drive to El Paso. The woman wouldn’t do it. Huh? That’s right.

Here’s what really happened – she was deathly afraid of flying and procrastinated at home, mulling over how to get out of this flight. She showed up late as a result and began trying to weasel her way back onto the flight realizing what a douche she was. The when the opportunity was presented to get there, she suddenly found it unacceptable.

So she calls her boss and speaks to his assistant or some shit, who, like ANY LOGICAL PERSON, tells her not to worry, the meeting isn’t that important. So she goes, “Oh! Thank GOD” and walks away…

…sans any luggage. Did she really intend to get on a flight? I don’t think so.

YOU’VE READ IT! YOU CAN’T UN-READ IT!

My stocks are still entirely unstable, but hey – what else is new, huh? NOTHING. If you look with an electron microscope at the end, you will see the most subtle of upward turns.


*Please RUN and adopt needy animals from the Humane Society. I was VERY cautious about doing it at first but now I realize it was the best thing I’ve done in my twenties (and that includes leaving school…LOL). I’ve gained a new, loveable companion and a kitten in need now has a reserved seat on a beautiful wing-back chair, being fed and played with daily, in the greatest hotel a kitten has ever known.

Why do I feel like Bob Barker now?


“Despite my being against the fur industry, I’ll SKIN YOU ALIVE…
…as long as no one wears the skin.”

-Bob Barker, Futurama

Toodles!

S.

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~ by seangstm on October 5, 2005.

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