Tips For Retards™ – Tip No. 17

After my encounter with the cab-driving imbecile, I managed to make it the rest of the way to work without incident. The retardation was not over, though…oh no.
I walk into work and head for the elevators, rubbing the inevitable sweat from my brow. As I get there, I notice a bunch of people piling onto an elevator; this is my cue to wait for the next one, like the Elevator Nazi that I am. I wait for the doors to close and then hit the up button again. Another elevator arrived quickly, but was well out of my proximity – several other people would board before me. It was less people than before, so getting on didn’t bother me. As I enter, the woman in front of me (one of the three people in the elevator) gets on and then turns and stops – blocking the entire doorway and button panel. So, I try to reach around, but end up kicking her in the foot – entirely by accident, it was, but my giggle was on purpose.

Tips For Retards™ – Tip No. 17

Clearly a repeat of Tip #1, but it obviously needs repeating since people DO NOT LEARN.

If you are entering an elevator and there are people behind you, don’t stop in the center of the empty elevator or even the sides near the front – go to the back. Entering an elevator and stopping is the equivalent to getting off an escalator and stopping within 10 ft of the exit, as well as getting off the subway (or on) and stopping within a foot of the door. If you happen to stand in the middle, refrain from giving attitude to people who have to push you out of the way to get on. ‘Excuse me’ is irrelevant as time is of the essence and…well, you’re a retard.

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~ by seangstm on July 27, 2006.

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