Project Torpory 3.11

Yeah, notice how this recap is over a week late? Already seen the episode that follows this one? Well, too friggin’ bad. Seriously, this season’s last episodes are like watching a fat kid try to do his first sit up…painful and cruel, not to mention impossibly misguided. Watching the end of Season Three has proven one thing to me – crazy people make this show interesting. You’ll see exactly what I mean when we recap the reunion episode.
Episode 11 began with the four remaining designers: Uli, Laura, Michael and Jeffrey commenting on their chances in the competition. Jeffrey as usual, couldn’t help but trash his fellow competitors because really, if we’ve learned anything from Season 3, we’ve learned who is a total assfuck and who isn’t. The irony is, Jeffrey is the authority on who’s good and who isn’t, yet he’s the only assfuck within 200 ft. of that runway.

“Damn, he’s still breathing…”

On the runway, The Klum entered looking surprisingly subdued in a white blouse and jeans. Instead of giving them their brief, she told them that they would be meeting with The Garcia the next morning. The models came out and they had to eliminate 3 (because of the last episode‘s oddities). Uli decided to switch her model for Michael’s, effectively eliminating the model that got her to the final four.
The next morning, the designers headed to the Elle offices where The Garcia awaited them. She explained what makes a good editorial design and how great her magazine was…yawn. In particular, she drew attention to the “First Look” page, which she described as the most important page in the magazine. The Garcia then gave them their challenge: “Create an outfit that conveys your point of view as a designer.” Each designer was then given a one-sheet, upon which they had to put three words which described their design. They would be judged on those words and their connection to their finished look.
After a short sketching period, they headed off to Mood to buy fabric as per usual. Michael, though, became stuck for the first time in the competition, having bought fabric with no idea as to what the finished look would be.

Seriously, this is what passes for ‘interesting’ in Season 3.

Laura and Uli were talking and Laura pointed out that Uli’s dress for this challenge was ‘just like everyone other dress’ she’d designed thus far in the competition. Uli took the criticism in stride and gave the outfit to Jeffrey to run around like a tard in, which he did.
Michael, on the other hand, snapped out of his creative slump and managed to form a workable idea.
The Gunn then entered and began his usual critique of the designers’ work. He pretty much told them all everything that was expected – Jeffrey should put his arrogance into the design for once, Laura shouldn’t be safe, Michael had to wow the judges and Uli shouldn’t be predictable.
Uli, though, was the only person who actually TOOK the advice and began chopping up her usual flowy, psychadelic print dress design with abandon.
The next day before they could even get started on their designs, The Gunn entered and informed everyone that the winning design would be shot by some photographer that Tyra Banks credits with her career and would appear on the First Look page in Elle magazine. The Gunn also told the designers that they themselves would have to take pictures of their outfits around Manhatten and convey a story that is embodies in their three word one-sheets.
A few hours later, the models were brought in for fitting and then everyone was off to take their pictures out and about in Manhatten. They returned after an hour and were given another hour to decide which photo they would use with their one-sheet.

Bored, yet? I was 4 episodes ago.

A picture really is worth a thousand
buckets of heroin-induced vomit.

The day of the runway show, and The Gunn came in to tell everyone that this was the last runway show they would do together. He also gave the designers the low down on their make-up and hair design and then sent in the models. They all headed off to finish their looks and then it was time for the runway show.
The Klum came out and introduced the usual motley crew and their special guest judge, Teri Agins, lead fashion writer for the Wall Street Journal. With that, the show began…





With that, the judges began their usual interrogation. Laura was up first and revealed her words: confidence, elegance and glamour.

The Garcia was unsurprised by Laura’s design, as was The Kors. Teri, having not been on before this season, gave positive comments but then said “..editiorially we have seen this dress before.” Bitch is clearly full of shit, so I’ll ignore her from now on.

Michael was up next and his words were: sexiness, sensuality and sultry.

The Kors let loose first and said a big ol’ “MEH.” The Klum called it unflattering and badly executed, while The Garcia just coloured herself disappointed.

Uli’s garment was third and her words were: fun, life and adventure.

The Klum really liked the dress. The Garcia was ‘thrilled’ that it wasn’t the same as her previous efforts and The Kors sat silently, saying nothing…odd.

Jeffrey was last and his words were: romance, irreverance and provocation. Yawn.

The Kors called the garment unprovocative and ‘too pretty.’ The Garcia, for her part, expressed only confusion while The Klum called in unsophisticated.
The judges then sent all the designers to the back and began their deliberation. They brought everyone back out and made the stupidest announcement ever…

…remember on Dallas when Bobby Ewing, one of the most beloved characters on the show died? Well, in case you don’t remember, here it is:

Okay, it was very sad and I remember bawling as a kid about it. Then we had an entire season of the Ewing family trying to recover from the loss; Pamela remarrying, Donna becoming pregnant and then being butted by a bull, Sue Ellen hitting the 10th level of hell in her alcoholism, then making a spectacular come back, Barbara Bel Geddes returning as Miss Ellie, etc., etc., etc. and then we reached the cliffhanger of that season – Anjelica Nero plotting to kill both JR and Jack Ewing, planting bombs in JR’s office and Jack’s car, only to be foiled by JR at the last minute. He phones Jack to warn him but it’s too late – Jack’s car explodes with Jamie Ewing in it as Jack watches in horror. JR rushes out of the Ewing Oil offices, leaving the case with the bomb and just misses Sue Ellen, who runs into his office as the bomb goes off…
…and we cut to Pam…

Who is in bed and wakes up…

She heads to the bathroom and someone is in the shower…

She opens the door to reveal someone looking
exactly like Bobby Ewing who says, “Good morning.”
After a summer hiatus of wondering, we find out…

…it was all a fucking dream.

That’s what this episode felt like. Not like a dream, but like the biggest cop-out ever in the history of cop-outs.

That’s right – not a single designer is eliminated. In other words, ALL FOUR will be presenting at fashion week. Yawn and a fucking half, people…

You look just how I wish I felt.

Tim G. “Make it work” count = 15
Tim G. “I’m concerned” count = 2



~ by seangstm on October 10, 2006.

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