Project Cheatery (?) 3.13

Finally, finally, finally we have arrived at the first part of the last episode of Project Runway. A sort of semi-finale, if you will.
Wasting no time in recapping the events of the last two non-episodes (11 & 12), we were thrust directly into the runway room where The Klum awaited. She basically gave them a recap of the prizes at stake, the timelines to follow and the budgets the four remaining designers (Laura, Uli, Michael and Jeffrey) would be given. Then we were treated to a special appearance by The Gunn for no reason whatsoever.

“Avon calling!”

Cut to a month later and The Gunn was on his way to Michael’s house in Georgia. Michael’s inspiration was “Street Safari” and The Gunn was concerned…although, unfortunately, he said so in not so many words. Damn you, The Gunn! He was worried that the collection was not cohesive enough. With slightly less than a month left and only 3 outfits completed, Mr. Knight’s work was cut out for him – only figuratively, of course…because having someone else do your work is CHEATING.
After his critique, The Gunn was introduced to Michael’s family at his cousin’s house where Michael was going to be cooking a meal for The Gunn. Odd? Yes.

“Dear Lord, please allow this
honky faggot to see that our little Michael
should win this clothes cuttin’ competition!
WoHOOOO!! Amen!”

Back in New York, The Gunn paid a visit to a very pregnant Laura Bennett. And can I just say, while we’re here…Laura’s flat…GORGEOUS!

The two of them moved on to view Laura’s collection, which The Gunn immediately was aghast at – not because it was horrible, but because she appeared to have a lot done. A lot done without anyone’s help…because that would be CHEATING. The Gunn did fall in love with the collection though – and with good reason. Upon this cursory glance, I would say Laura is the front runner (in my mind, anyway…we’ll see). Unfortunately, The Gunn’s love was short-lived as he told her to YOUNG IT UP…a critique that anyone could see coming a mile away…even Laura.

When asked what he thought of Jeffrey,
one of Laura’s sons produced an actual piece of shit.

Uli was next on The Gunn’s list of social engagements. Predictably, her chosen theme was “Tropical Safari” and The Gunn immediately asked Uli what about her collection was going to surprise the judges. In response, she showed him a dress that had the same top and fastener as the first one, but was short…The Gunn was impressed at her creative prowess. Seriously, he was all, “OK! That’s great!” Jeebus. It was clear her collection was her own…otherwise she would be CHEATING.

The Casual Gunn

After a walk on the beach and some discussions about East Germany, The Gunn headed to LA to meet with Jeffrey. Guh. My first reaction upon seeing his mohawked wife was “Oh fuck right off!” Then we were tortured with given some insight into Jeffrey’s life as an alcoholic, a drug addict and a complete asshole.

Transporting douchebag passengers since 2006.

The Gunn drove Jeffrey in his Rockin’ Roadster to the designer’s sewing space. Once there, The Gunn was immediately impressed with the sheer vastness of the space. Then came the collection, which Jeffrey said was inspired by “Japanese Ghost and Demon Stories,” which I think is great…I always loved that one about Hello Kitty in the car and there’s the scraping…scraping and you find out it’s Sailor Moon, hanging by her pig-tails from the branch of a tree above…
“Completely in awe” was the way The Gunn described his reaction Jeffrey’s collection. My reaction? Well, you may have heard about me driving my plane into that building a day ago to get the images of clashing pin-stripe patterns out of my head. God, his designs are awful. Truly a sign that no CHEATING could have occurred…no? We’ll see.

“This was inspired by Popeye’s girlfriend…
…the one before Olive Oyl…
…you know, Partially Hydrogenated Oil.”

Two weeks later, the designers all returned to NYC. Everyone arrived, happy to see each other, with the exception of Laura being unimpressed by Jeffrey. Not really a big shock, but her hatred of him seems to have fermented quite nicely in the intervening months.
With four days left before the runway show, the designers were shown their final workspace and began pulling out their respective collections. As they were pulling them out, Laura made a comment regarding the number of pieces Jeffrey appeared to have. He explained it away by claiming it was just the plastic bags “creating the illusion of volume.”
The Gunn then entered and began his critique of their collections, starting with Jeffrey as the others tried to look on subtlely. Something struck me as odd about their conversation, as it did Laura; he appeared to have pieces to spare and in fact said of two pieces, I might not even use these. I’ve NEVER seen a designer on Project Runway put a show on at Olympus Fashion week with outfits to SPARE. It just doesn’t happen. And there is no way this fucktard is THAT good, knowattamsayin? Uli was next and Tim seemed only concerned about her porportions so he decided to reserve judgement until he saw the outfits on Uli’s models. Laura’s went over excellently, thanks to her removal of a couple old-lady-esque garments that The Gunn was unimpressed with at their first caucus. Heehee. Tim’s first reaction to Michael’s first dress was less than encouraging as he described the entire thing as “cartoony.” He did, though, utter a “Make it work” before moving on. SCORE!
The Gunn then asked for everyone’s receipts and oddly, Jeffrey seemed to need some time to rifle through his. He claimed it was because sketches were mixed in and I dunno about you, but a receipt is about 3 inches wide and any varied length, while a sketch is generally about the size of a piece of paper, 8.5 x 11 inches – this ‘search’ should have taken nanoseconds and didn’t really make sense in the first place.

“Now I’m concerned…”

The model casting was up next and it was as with every other season, boring as fuck.

Then we got to make-up consultation and again…boring as fuck.

With 3 days left to the runway show, the models arrived at the workspace and began their fittings with the various designers. Laura took note that although Jeffrey’s outfits requiring no alterations was distinctly possible and fortuitous, having every hook and button sewn, every hem completely finished, basically having NO work left to do seemed somewhat unlikely.
After some preliminary make-up tests with the guy from L’Oreal, the designers headed back to the workspace. Jeffrey, of course, spent the entire time falling asleep at his desk while everyone else worked like mad to finish off their respective collections. After Jeffrey left the room, Laura brought it up to Uli and Michael that it was nigh on impossible for him to have absolutely NOTHING left to do…and I agree with her. She also pointed out that he wouldn’t shut up about working on his own, separate collection at the same time as the 12 piece one for Project Runway. Uli decided to have a closer look and said it wasn’t as well made as they suspected, but then Laura and Michael both pulled out a pair of leather jeans that were sewn so professionally that they looked like they were purchased. The three of them came to a mutual decision to tell Jeffrey what they thought when he returned. Strangely, The Gunn arrived before Jeffrey (or at least it was edited to look that way) and spoke to Michael, Laura and Uli. Jeffrey did return, with a nice dinner in tow – something the other designers were too busy to partake in, it would appear.

Workin’ hard, or hardly workin’?

Instead of bringing up the issue with The Gunn in the room, which would certainly make Jeffrey feel ambushed, Laura opted to take Tim out to the terrace to speak to him. Instead of paraphrasing, because I’m sure Jeffrey will twist her words later, this is what she said, verbatim:

“I just believe that Jeffrey didn’t sew his collection on his own. It’s a lot of work that he did in that amount of time. Everything is completely finished on the inside. There are leather jeans that are top stitched to perfection and he never had that kind of craftsmanship before. I don’t doubt that it’s his design, that it’s his aesthetic, that it’s his fabric. I just know that he’s been talking about how busy he was doing his collection for his showroom. It’s nothing that I can prove; it’s a gut feeling. I just wanted to go on record as having said that I just don’t believe he did all that sewing on his own.”

The Gunn told her this kind of thing was hard to corroborate but that he would take the issue to the producers. My only problem with Laura is that although I know her reasons for taking The Gunn aside and telling him, it did appear a little tattle-tale-ish. Having said that, I think she’s right and I commend her for bringing it up.
Alleviating my fears, Laura told Jeffrey once they got back from commercial. Jeffrey’s reply, frankly, was stuttery and more like the barfing up of excuses than a real explanation of the kind of work he brought to NYC. Michael came to Laura’s defense and said he agreed with her, while Uli was slightly more wishy-washy but still reiterated the gist. Jeffrey, of course, had to put down the other three designers (calling them “sad” and “pitiful”) because…well…he’s an assclown.
The next day after a few tension filled moments, The Gunn entered and sat down Jeffrey to talk. He told him that before an investigation would begin, he was presumed innocent, but that if he had help, he should tell them now. Barely finished the word “no,” Jeffrey pointed out he sent out two pieces to be pleated…does this count? I guess not, since The Gunn said nothing. The two of them went through the rest of Jeffrey’s collection, stopping at each piece. After The Gunn left, Jeffrey said he did the whole thing himself but that he was “scared to death he wouldn’t be showing at Bryant Park.” I’m curious – why would an innocent person be scared of being WRONGFULLY found guilty? If there is nothing to support Laura’s claim, he’s in the clear. Seems all a bit suspicious to super-sleuth here…

…the trailer for next week is cleverly edited to make it look like Jeffrey gets booted for cheating, but he DID show at Olympus Fashion Week…so could he have been the false-decoy-decoy this year…? We’ll find out next week!

And btw, thank you Project Runway for coming up with an interesting episode. My faith is restored!

Tim G. “Make it work” count = 16
Tim G. “I’m concerned” count = 2

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~ by seangstm on October 12, 2006.

3 Responses to “Project Cheatery (?) 3.13”

  1. I always look forward to your reviews of PR — especially the captions to the pics!!

    Is it so wrong of me to want Jeffery to be guilty and suffer some kind of punishment???

  2. this is the first i read your post, it was referred to me by a friend and i must say, you rock! i am now a fan!

  3. MARK! Thank god! I was worried your blog was gone forever and was suffering withdrawls. Bummer about losing all the comments, though. Glad you’re back.

    ANd no, you’re not wrong. Part of me thinks the trailer for next week is WAY too misleading. He’ll probably be found innocent of the charge. SHITTY!

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