Tips for Retards™ – Tip #27

I know, I know – it’s been a while since I became so enraged at the idiots that surround me daily that I felt the need to offer them tips. But…your lucky day has arrived.

This morning, whilst walking my ass to work, I was involved in an altercation. Well, it was not so much an ‘altercation’ as it was me falling into a massive puddle of retardation (not unlike the people on the Nestea commercial). I however, did not feel the need, nor the desire, to take the plunge – I was forced.

As I walked, a woman walking her mongrel approached me. Now, don’t get me wrong – I love dogs. I do not like dog owners who are the mental equivalent of the mutts they own. Case in point: this woman approaches me on the sidewalk. I am walking on the right side and she is walking on my left (or her right). The dog she is walking is on a leash, stretched out about 6 feet to her left – in other words, directly across my pathway.

I approach this monstrous buffoon and can see the dog’s leash in my path from approximately 200 metres away. Unfortunately, her brain isn’t functioning or is functioning at a level that could light a potato clock and not much else, because this bitch walks and walks and walks and never once pulls the dog over to her side. She just keeps trucking along, oblivious to anyone else on planet Earth that might be using the SHARED sidewalk. As I get about 10 feet away, I think maybe she’ll finally wise up – but no, the fucker just keeps going as if her dog is more important than me. Please.

So I have to step OVER the leash and avoid stepping on the dog and she doesn’t even say ‘excuse me’ or ‘sorry’ or ‘my bad.’ Fuck you, asshole. That’s right! I SAID IT.

Hey, IDIOTS! That piece of string between you and your fucking mutt isn’t there for decoration, nor is it there for you to tie back your extensions after a hard day on your knees. Use it to control your dog who doesn’t know better. That is, of course, unless you yourself don’t know better in which case, the leash should be around YOUR neck with the other end around a FUCKING TREE BRANCH!!

I said good day!



~ by seangstm on January 10, 2007.

One Response to “Tips for Retards™ – Tip #27”

  1. I don’t know if I feel sorry for you or appreciate a kindred spirit. A little of both I guess.

    I have come to the conclusion that I am an eternal optomist……..I can think of no other reason for my unlimited capacity to be disappointed in idiocy.

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