Tips for Retards™ – Tips #28, #29, #30, #31 and #32

Seriously, the idiocy keeps occurring despite my efforts to enlight the ‘tards. *sigh* Onward we go…

Tips for Retards #28

To the cunty woman in my building’s elevator…Don’t give me attitude when I catch you trying to close the door on me and call you on it.

Tips for Retards #29

To the crotchety old douchebag I rode with recently on the elevator…the elevator doors open on their own when you reach your floor – you don’t actually have to push “Door Open.” That’s not the intended purpose of the button…it’s actually there to do the opposite of what happened to me in #28 above…

Tips for Retards #30

To moronic pedestrians who think my bicycle comes equipped with a cloaking device…when you look both ways to cross the street and see me coming…I’m actually NOT invisible and could possibly (see: probably) kill you should you be stupid enough to walk in front of my oncoming bike. It’s kind of like a VEHICLE that way…

Tips for Retards #31

To everyone in my building…if we’re waiting for the elevator together and I have my bike and you know you live on the second floor, it might be a spiffy idea for you to let me (who lives on a floor ranging from 20-30) get on first with my bike. I know it’s a real rush to be the first 65 year old on the elevator, but aside from your personal aggrandisment, it serves no logical purpose.

Tips for Retards #32

To Evil Dick on Big Brother 8…please get someone who is literate to look up and read to you the definition of the word “humility.”



~ by seangstm on July 26, 2007.

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