Tips for Retards #42

My good buddy Tyler and I made our first pilgrimage of 2008 to the mecca of all things quasi-heterosexual, Crappy Tire, last night. I was just a wingman, really having no purpose other than to keep Tyler company which I was quite happy to do. We met up as soon as Tyler got home from work and headed out.
Tyler’s goal was to buy some paint that was going off sale this Friday. We painted his kitchen and parts of his living room last summer, but he was looking to redo the living room. Anyway, anyway, anyway…we get to Crappy Tire and head to the paint department. While waiting for the CT employee at the counter to finish with a sweet old lady, who was the spitting image of the old lady trying to get insurance in The Incredibles, this skankalicious woman with a South African accent comes up and says hi to us. Tyler, of course, begins a dialogue with her as I sink further and further into any other aisle within fleeing distance. Before I disappeared altogether though, I heard her actually say (brace yourself)…

“I’m a woman – what do I know about painting??”

I was milliseconds away from retorting…

“You complete and utter inability to put pigment on a flat surface has very little to do with your dried up, prune-like, aged va-jay-jay,” but I managed to resist.

This is a pretty broad (no pun intended), wide-ranging tip:

Tips for Retards #42

“Whether you’re a woman, a man or anything in between…don’t be a FUCKING DOUCHEBAG. Full stop.”



~ by seangstm on April 24, 2008.

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