Tips for Retards™ – Tip #48

The department I work for occupies about 1/4 of an entire floor in our office building.  On that floor, there are three bathrooms: a public Men’s washroom, a public Women’s washroom and a semi-private bathroom, made private only by virtue of the fact that not many people know it is there.  The employees who occupy this floor, myself included, often use it when a more private bathroom experience is necessary (most every time for me).

I use the washroom regularly, a few times a day, and generally don’t have a problem with it.  It is occasionally occupied, but a sturdy dead bolt keeps any unsuspecting passers-by from stumbling upon any unwitting toilet jockeys.  I myself have experienced the disappointment of a firm grip on the door-handle, followed by a strong turn, kiboshed by the immovable dead-bolt, followed by a dejected walk of shame to the *gasp* public washroom…ew.

Last Friday, I was enjoying dropping the kids off at the pool when an unknown person experienced this same disappointment: a grip, a turn and a dead-bolt.  I smiled to myself knowing that my cocoon of silence was impenetrable.  But wait…what’s that?  The sound of nickel alloy scraping against brass…a key.  Someone was inserting a key.  I gasped.  The door swung open.

The cleaning woman who works on my floor daily was staring at me, one hand on the door frame and the other on the door handle.  She gasped and blurted out, “Oh – I’m sorry!  Sorry!!”

I couldn’t muster any kind of response, I just sat there doe-eyed and terrified.  She slammed the door shut and I hiked up my pants, waddled over and re-locked the door.  My embarrassment quickly subsided into a blind rage as I realized that logistics of this situation from her perspective.

I’m a cleaning woman.  I need to clean this private bathroom.  I walk over to the door.  The door is locked.

Do I move on to something else and wait for whoever is in the washroom to leave?

Or do I insert my master key and open the door–the locked door–the locked door, locked from the inside?

A bit of advice to any other complete douche-nozzle retards out there…

…if you find a washroom door locked, it is likely it is locked for a reason.  Could be any reason, really…a person peeing, a person shitting, a person changing, a person wacking off, a person picking their nose, a person just reading a book and wanting time alone, a person talking on the phone, a person brushing their teeth, or a person is hacking up a nosey cleaning woman with a rusty blade — any reason, really.  Use your f*cking brain.


~ by seangstm on May 25, 2011.

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